Why Marriage Does Not Work

There’s a growing narrative, whispered in private circles and echoed on social media platforms: “Marriage is outdated.” But here’s the truth—marriage isn’t dead; It’s changing. And if we don’t pay attention, we may miss how love, relationships, and family life are transforming today.

What the Data Is Telling Us

Experts in relationships, like The Pew Research Center, The Gottman Institute, and Harvard studies, highlight some new trends:

       •      More women are opting out of marriage—not out of rebellion, but because they now have more options, autonomy, and access to personal growth.

       •      Men are becoming more emotionally reliant on their wives —especially in societies where male friendships aren’t emotionally expressive.

       •      Emotional intelligence, communication, and mental health support are now as important as financial stability in choosing a life partner.

       •      Divorce rates are rising in many parts of the world—not always because love is lost, but because individuals are prioritizing emotional safety over societal expectations.

This is true for Nigerians, too.

The Script Is Changing

       •      In Lagos, Abuja, Accra, and London, more young Nigerian women are saying, “I don’t want to suffer in the name of marriage.”

       •      More men are grappling with new dynamics—wives with careers, voices, and choices.

       •      And in our religious houses, public forums, counseling rooms, and social media platforms, the tension is loud and clear: “We want love, but not at the cost of our peace.”

So What Exactly Has Evolved?

       1.     From Roles to Relationships:

Traditional marriage was deeply rooted in rigid gender roles: The man provides. The woman submits.

Today’s marriage demands more—partnership, not patriarchy. A husband is expected to be emotionally available, while a wife should be supported, not just submissive.

       2.    From Endurance to Emotional Safety:

Our mothers endured. Our fathers stayed silent. Divorce was a taboo.

Now, mental health is on the table. If a marriage threatens your peace, you will likely leave than lose yourself.

       3.    From Family Pressure to Personal Choice:

In the past, “marriage wasn’t for enjoyment but responsibility” was a guiding principle.

But now? Enjoyment is the bare minimum. People want connection, chemistry, shared dreams, and respect—not just survival or status.

Why Men May Need Marriage More

Recent studies show that men gain more emotional and physical benefits from marriage than women— but society hasn’t caught up to this fact.

Why?

       •      Men often lack deep emotional friendships, so their wives become their only emotional outlet.

       •      Women now have financial independence and support systems outside marriage. But men are still taught to “man up” and stay silent, even when they’re emotionally drowning.

       •      Men tend to stay longer in unhealthy marriages, while women now leave quickly—choosing growth over guilt.

This is not an attack on men; it’s a wake-up call. The structure of marriage has changed, yet many men remain unaware. If they fail to recognize this, we risk losing the beauty of marriage to fear, resentment, and emotional disconnection.

What This Means for the Future

       1.     Emotional intelligence will be non-negotiable.

Marriage is no longer enough for men to just provide or protect. Can you communicate? Can you connect? Can you grow with your partner?

       2.    Therapy and counseling will be important

More couples are no longer ashamed to seek help. Going for therapy may become more of a love language than buying gifts.

       3.    Children will model what they see.

If they witness emotionally healthy marriages, they’ll believe in love. If they grow up seeing pain masked as endurance, they may reject marriage altogether.

       4.    Marriage is about choice—not just obligation.

Choose your partner each day, not just once at the altar. You need to nurture love, not just pray that it lasts.

Is Marriage Still Worth It?

Yes—but only if done right.

Marriage can still be beautiful and fulfilling

It is still grounding, healing, and exciting.

But it has to be built on truth, growth, compatibility, and shared vision—not on pressure, pretense, or outdated expectations.

Let’s Start the Conversation

Marriage isn’t dying. It’s waiting for new definitions by people who dare to love differently.

So instead of asking “Why are people not marrying anymore?”

Let’s consider:

•      Are we preparing people for the realities of marriage?

•      Are we teaching emotional skills alongside wedding planning?

•      Are we allowing men to be vulnerable? Are we allowing women to be heard?

•      Are we building real homes or just organizing wedding ceremonies?

To everyone—this is your chance.

To create marriages that are not only lasting but life-giving.

To redefine love with courage, understanding, and kindness.