Never Struggle in Your Marriage Again!

What if I told you that you never have to struggle in your marriage again? No more feeling like you’re in a loveless marriage, thinking about divorce, or constantly fighting over the same issues. Marriage is a journey, not a destination. In the Nigerian context, it is more than just the union of two individuals—it is a blend of families, cultures, traditions, and sometimes, societal expectations. Whether you’re from the quiet villages of Enugu, the bustling streets of Lagos, the commercial city of Kano, or the diaspora abroad, one thing is certain: marriage requires effort, understanding, and the right tools to thrive. With these principles, you can never struggle in your marriage again.

Using the principles of Drs. John and Julie Gottman, world-renowned marriage experts, let’s explore how to make marriage work in the Nigerian context—whether you’re a high-flying executive in Abuja, a market woman in Onitsha, a tech bro in Yaba, or a nurse in the UK trying to balance love and career. If you’ve been looking for a way to never struggle in your marriage again, this guide is for you.

1. Build a Strong Love Map: Know Your Spouse Deeply

We often hear phrases like “Na so marriage be” when people struggle in relationships. But lasting marriages are not built on autopilot. Imagine trying to navigate Lagos without Google Maps or even a basic knowledge of the roads. You’d end up lost, frustrated, and probably going in circles. That’s exactly what happens in marriage when couples don’t truly know each other.

A Love Map is basically your knowledge of your spouse’s inner world—what makes them happy, what stresses them, their dreams, and even their fears. Whether you’re an Igbo businessman who is constantly traveling, a busy doctor in Lagos, or a trader in Ibadan, make time to truly understand your spouse. Ask them deep questions:

       •      What are you most excited about these days?

       •      What’s your biggest worry right now?

       •      What’s one thing I can do today to make you smile?

When your spouse feels seen and understood, conflicts reduce, and emotional connection strengthens. If you want to take this further, consider booking a relationship counseling session to help build stronger intimacy.

2. Nurture Fondness and Admiration: See the Good in Your Partner

Do you know how Nigerian parents hype their children when they do something good? “That’s my son! First position in class! My daughter, the next Chimamanda Adichie!” What if you applied that same energy to your spouse?

In many Nigerian marriages, couples focus on flaws and what’s missing instead of strengths. “My husband is not romantic.” “My wife doesn’t respect me.” But what if you intentionally looked for what your spouse is doing right?

In Yoruba culture, endearing names like “Ololufe mi” (my love) and “Ayanfe” (beloved) show admiration. In Igbo culture, couples often call each other “Omalicha” (beautiful/handsome). If your marriage is struggling, reignite admiration by speaking your partner’s love language—whether through words, gifts, or acts of service.

Try this: Every morning, say one thing you admire about your spouse. Over time, this small habit rewires your brain to appreciate instead of criticize.

3. Turn Towards Each Other, Not Away

Nigeria’s economic struggles make it easy to get distracted. The husband is chasing contracts, the wife is running a business, and before you know it, they become roommates instead of lovers.

A good football team doesn’t win because each player does their own thing; they win because they work together. Yet, many Nigerian couples act like opponents instead of teammates.

When life gets tough—work stress, financial struggles, family drama—it’s easy to turn away from your spouse instead of toward them. This is how emotional distance creeps in.

Turning towards each other means responding to your partner’s needs, no matter how small. It could be listening to their work complaints, supporting their business, or just watching a Nollywood movie together at night.

Example: If your spouse sighs and says, “Today was stressful,” don’t just ignore it. Turn towards them by responding with, “Tell me about it. What happened?” These little moments create emotional intimacy that protects your marriage from disconnection.

4. Let Your Partner Influence You: Marriage Is a Partnership, Not a Dictatorship

Traditional Nigerian marriages often place decision-making power in one person’s hands, but healthy marriages are built on shared influence. Whether you’re a husband who expects absolute submission or a wife who refuses input, rigid control leads to resentment and disconnect.

Research shows that couples who respect each other’s opinions, allow spousal influence, and share decision-making have happier marriages. Husbands, listen to your wives when they suggest financial strategies. Wives, allow your husbands to share thoughts on raising the kids. Marriage is a team effort.

If you’ve been struggling with power dynamics in your marriage, working with a marriage counselor can help create a more balanced relationship.

5. Solve Conflicts the Right Way: Not Every Argument Must End in War

Conflicts are normal—even necessary—but how you handle them determines whether your marriage thrives or crashes. In many Nigerian homes, arguments often escalate quickly—raised voices, silent treatment, or even family interference. But not every disagreement needs to turn into “Who go win this fight?”

Instead of fighting to win, fight to understand.

• Use “I” statements instead of blame: Instead of “You never listen to me!”, say “I feel unheard when I try to share my thoughts.”

• Take breaks if things get heated: If your partner is angry, walk away and return later to discuss things calmly.

• Apologize sincerely when wrong: In many cultures, pride makes it hard to say sorry. But admitting fault strengthens, not weakens, your marriage.

6. Create Shared Meaning: Your Marriage Needs a Purpose

Beyond bride price, elaborate wedding, and societal expectations that unite most couples, many Nigerian couples drift apart because they have no shared vision for their future. What dreams do you have together? Raising successful children? Relocating abroad? Building generational wealth? Serving your community?

Sit down and create a vision board together. What do you want your marriage to represent? When couples work toward a shared purpose, they stay united even in tough times. Imagine starting a business with no clear goals—chances are, it won’t last.

If you don’t know where to start, relationship coaching can help clarify your goals and dreams as a couple.

Final Thoughts: Love Is Not Just About Surviving—It’s About Thriving

Whether you are newly married or have been together for 20+ years, you never have to struggle in your marriage again if you apply these principles. Invest in your relationship the same way you invest in business, education, or personal growth.

If you need extra support, professional counseling can help. At Talk Space Counselling Services, we offer culturally relevant strategies to help Nigerian couples strengthen their love. Don’t just endure your marriage—make it work.

Would you like to start your journey to a better marriage today? Click here to book a session.